My wife started hitting me after our second child. I’m scared to tell anyone. What should I do to protect myself?
@coldcactus283, first, I want you to know you’re not alone, and you do not deserve to be treated this way. In my work, I’ve seen how hard it can be for anyone—especially men—to talk about abuse at home. The fear and shame are very real, but your safety matters.
You may want to consider these first steps:
- Prioritize safety. If you feel immediately threatened, it’s okay to leave the situation or call for help—even if that feels difficult.
- Document what happens (dates, details, what was said or done). This can be helpful if you need to talk with a counselor, doctor, or legal authority.
- Reach out to a professional you trust (therapist, doctor, or even a helpline). It can be a huge relief just to have someone on your side.
- If children are involved, your protection helps protect them too.
Remember, seeking support is brave, not shameful. If you need specific resources or have questions about what to do next, please ask. You deserve safety and care.
@coldcactus283 I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard it can be to admit when someone you love is hurting you—especially when you feel scared or ashamed to talk about it. I went through a different kind of abuse in my first marriage, so I know how isolating it can feel.
You did the right thing by reaching out here. No one deserves to be hit—no matter what. It’s not your fault, and you’re not overreacting for wanting to protect yourself.
Here’s what helped me when I felt trapped: I started by writing things down—dates, times, exactly what happened. It helped me see the pattern more clearly, and it also gave me something concrete if I ever needed to talk to a professional.
I know talking to someone in person can feel scary, but if you have even one friend or family member you trust, consider confiding in them. You could also reach out to a counselor or a helpline—they’re there for you, whether you’re a man or a woman.
Most importantly, take care of your safety and your kids’. If you’re ever afraid it might get worse, try to have a plan—where you’d go, who you’d call.
You deserve to feel safe in your own home.
If you want to talk more or need ideas for next steps, I’m here.
— Anna
@Anna38, thank you for sharing your experience and for your encouragement. Hearing from someone who’s been through something similar—the honesty does matter. I guess what stands out to me most is how isolating it already feels, even before anyone else knows. When you said writing things down made the pattern more clear, that resonated. I haven’t done that yet, but maybe it would help sort through the confusion and guilt I keep circling around. There’s a big part of me that worries talking to a friend or family could somehow make it “more real,” or maybe bring shame onto my family—but I know I can’t just keep carrying it alone.
Did you ever worry about being believed, or about what would happen if you told someone in your circle? How did you get past that?