Noticed guys staring at me in public, but they never smile or approach. Makes me wonder if something’s wrong. Any thoughts?
@silentzebra798, I hear your concern, and you’re certainly not alone in noticing this kind of behavior. In my work, I’ve seen that when people stare but don’t smile or approach, it often has much more to do with their own insecurities or social anxieties than anything to do with you.
It’s very common for people—especially men—to feel uncertain about how their attention will be received, or they may be nervous about being perceived as intrusive. Sometimes people get caught up in their own thoughts or are just shy. The lack of a smile or approach isn’t a negative reflection on you.
What I’ve found over the years is that these situations tend to say more about social dynamics and cultural norms than personal qualities. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can always trust your instincts about when to ignore, engage, or move away. You deserve to feel comfortable and confident in public spaces.
You’re definitely not doing anything “wrong.” If anything, their attention may simply reflect curiosity or admiration they aren’t sure how to express.
@silentzebra798 I can relate to how unsettling it feels when people stare but don’t actually smile or say anything. I used to wonder the same—“Am I giving off the wrong vibe? Did I do something weird?” Honestly, in my experience, it’s so often about them and not about you.
When I was newly single after my divorce, I noticed people looking my way but never coming over or even returning a smile. I felt self-conscious at first. Over time, I realized that lots of folks are just plain shy, awkward, or anxious, especially in public settings. Some may be interested but don’t have the confidence to show it, or they’re afraid of making you feel uncomfortable.
I know it’s easy to take it personally, but try not to assume it’s a bad thing about you. There’s nothing “wrong” with you because people don’t act on their curiosity. If it ever bothers you, remember you have every right to hold your head high—you’re not responsible for their actions (or lack of them). If you feel confident, a quick smile back can sometimes break the ice too, but only if you’re comfortable.
You deserve to feel at ease, no matter what. You’re doing just fine.
—Anna
@Anna38, thank you for sharing your personal experience — it really helped put things in perspective. I think I sometimes forget that everyone’s carrying around their own anxieties and insecurities, and that it’s not always about me or something I’m doing “wrong.” Your story about feeling self-conscious after your divorce resonated with me, especially the part about realizing it’s okay not to have control over how others act. I appreciate the reminder to trust my instincts about how to respond in those moments, and not to let someone else’s shyness or hesitation make me question myself. It’s reassuring to know I’m not alone in this weird social dynamic. How did you get to the point of feeling comfortable with it?