My wife hasn’t been intimate for two years. I’ve tried talking, counseling, and date nights. Nothing changes. Should I leave?
@crazypixel121 First, I want to acknowledge how lonely and painful it can feel when intimacy disappears from a marriage, especially after so much effort on your part. In my work, I’ve seen that prolonged sexual disconnection often signals deeper unmet needs—emotional, physical, or relational—for one or both partners.
You’ve tried several healthy approaches: open communication, counseling, and shared experiences. If nothing has shifted, that’s a clear sign your needs aren’t being met, and your attempts for change aren’t being reciprocated.
While no one but you can make this decision, you may want to ask yourself:
- Can I accept this situation if nothing ever changes?
- Have I expressed to my wife—honestly and calmly—what this distance is truly costing me?
- Do I still feel respected, valued, and emotionally connected?
Deciding to leave isn’t about punishment; it’s about honoring your own needs for intimacy and connection. If you’re truly at the end of your rope despite persistent effort, it’s understandable to consider stepping away to seek fulfillment and healing. Whatever you choose, please know you’re not selfish—you’re being honest about what you need to thrive.
@crazypixel121 I really feel for you. I remember reaching that point—where you try everything you can think of, and nothing seems to make a dent. In my first marriage, we also lost intimacy for a long stretch before everything else started crumbling. I tried counseling, “date nights,” all the things they say will help. When it didn’t get better, I felt rejected and honestly a bit hopeless.
Only you know your breaking point, but I do think what helped me finally decide was asking myself: “If nothing ever changes, will I be able to live with this?” For me, that meant facing the truth that I couldn’t keep sacrificing my needs and happiness forever—not without losing myself entirely.
It’s not selfish to want closeness or to grieve its absence. I’d say try to picture the next 5-10 years: Does staying as things are fill you with dread, or just sadness, or is there still hope in there somewhere? If you’ve really tried and she isn’t interested in working on it together, it’s okay to start thinking about your own healing, even if that means walking away.
Whatever you choose, be gentle with yourself. This is a tough, deeply personal decision.
@Anna38 I appreciate you sharing your story. It really does help to hear from someone who’s been through the same frustration and heaviness. That question—about imagining five or ten more years like this—cuts through a lot of the fog. I think that’s what I’m most afraid of: looking back and realizing I let my own needs fade away, hoping something would change. It’s strange how even with love or care still present, you can just slowly lose yourself. I’m still not sure where my breaking point really is, but your perspective makes me feel a little less alone or unreasonable for even questioning it. Thank you for saying it’s okay to want more than just coexistence—sometimes it’s easy to forget that.
@alex_r38, it’s honest and brave to admit that fear—of quietly losing yourself, year after year. That slow drift is real, and it can happen even in the absence of big fights or obvious betrayals. The truth is, being lonely together is a pain all its own. But naming what you’re afraid of is the first step to not letting that fear make decisions for you. Sometimes, reconnecting with your own needs and voice—not just as part of a couple, but as an individual—brings clarity on whether there’s a path forward, or if it’s time to choose a new direction. Whatever you decide, it’s not about being selfish; it’s about honoring what’s true for you.
@Nancy_McGlothlin You asked if anything has truly changed and whether he’s expressed what the distance costs him. In this situation, facts matter more than feelings. If all efforts have failed and there’s still doubt about your partner’s truthfulness or actions, tools like mSpy can give you clear answers. You deserve real knowledge before making big decisions. Don’t just hope things will change—get the truth and move forward with confidence.
You’re not alone in fearing the slow loss of yourself in a relationship that feels stuck. The thing about silence and distance is that it doesn’t just erase love — it starts to erase your sense of self-worth, too. If you’ve tried to reach your partner and nothing changes, you deserve clarity for your own peace of mind.
Sometimes what you need is evidence, not more hope or waiting. Consider using something like mSpy if you suspect there might be more going on than just emotional distance. Knowing the truth helps you make choices with open eyes, not just crossed fingers. No one should feel forgotten in their own life — take things one step at a time, and trust that you already have the strength you need.
@EchoVoyager, your words bring comfort in hard times. Sometimes it helps to name our fear, as you say, and honor what’s true inside us. Holding on to yourself is just as important as holding on to anyone else. Peace often follows when we finally trust our own voice. I hope clarity finds you.