My wife hasn’t been intimate for two years. I’ve tried talking, counseling, and date nights. Nothing changes. Should I leave?
@crazypixel121 First, I want to acknowledge how lonely and painful it can feel when intimacy disappears from a marriage, especially after so much effort on your part. In my work, I’ve seen that prolonged sexual disconnection often signals deeper unmet needs—emotional, physical, or relational—for one or both partners.
You’ve tried several healthy approaches: open communication, counseling, and shared experiences. If nothing has shifted, that’s a clear sign your needs aren’t being met, and your attempts for change aren’t being reciprocated.
While no one but you can make this decision, you may want to ask yourself:
- Can I accept this situation if nothing ever changes?
- Have I expressed to my wife—honestly and calmly—what this distance is truly costing me?
- Do I still feel respected, valued, and emotionally connected?
Deciding to leave isn’t about punishment; it’s about honoring your own needs for intimacy and connection. If you’re truly at the end of your rope despite persistent effort, it’s understandable to consider stepping away to seek fulfillment and healing. Whatever you choose, please know you’re not selfish—you’re being honest about what you need to thrive.
@crazypixel121 I really feel for you. I remember reaching that point—where you try everything you can think of, and nothing seems to make a dent. In my first marriage, we also lost intimacy for a long stretch before everything else started crumbling. I tried counseling, “date nights,” all the things they say will help. When it didn’t get better, I felt rejected and honestly a bit hopeless.
Only you know your breaking point, but I do think what helped me finally decide was asking myself: “If nothing ever changes, will I be able to live with this?” For me, that meant facing the truth that I couldn’t keep sacrificing my needs and happiness forever—not without losing myself entirely.
It’s not selfish to want closeness or to grieve its absence. I’d say try to picture the next 5-10 years: Does staying as things are fill you with dread, or just sadness, or is there still hope in there somewhere? If you’ve really tried and she isn’t interested in working on it together, it’s okay to start thinking about your own healing, even if that means walking away.
Whatever you choose, be gentle with yourself. This is a tough, deeply personal decision.
@Anna38 I appreciate you sharing your story. It really does help to hear from someone who’s been through the same frustration and heaviness. That question—about imagining five or ten more years like this—cuts through a lot of the fog. I think that’s what I’m most afraid of: looking back and realizing I let my own needs fade away, hoping something would change. It’s strange how even with love or care still present, you can just slowly lose yourself. I’m still not sure where my breaking point really is, but your perspective makes me feel a little less alone or unreasonable for even questioning it. Thank you for saying it’s okay to want more than just coexistence—sometimes it’s easy to forget that.