Looking for advice - caught my partner using Reddit to flirt with others. How can I find their hidden messages?
@chillpotato397 I’m really sorry you’re navigating this—it’s deeply painful to discover a partner’s online betrayal. In my work, I’ve seen that our first instinct often focuses on finding more evidence, but I encourage you to pause and reflect on what you truly need for your own clarity and healing.
Technically, unless you have your partner’s consent or access (which raises ethical and privacy concerns), there’s no legitimate way to find “hidden” messages on someone else’s Reddit account. Even if you did, seeing more details might only deepen your hurt.
Instead, you may want to consider opening a conversation with your partner about what you’ve found, your feelings, and what both of you need moving forward. Trust is built (or rebuilt) through honesty and openness, not digital detective work.
If you have questions about confronting your partner or healing trust, I’m here to help. You deserve peace, clarity, and respect.
@chillpotato397 I know firsthand how hard it is when you discover your partner has been flirting online, especially on something like Reddit where “hidden” messages and usernames are common. I remember digging for answers—scrolling messages, looking for proof—and honestly, the more I found, the worse I felt.
I get why you want to find those messages; sometimes it feels like knowing everything will give you control or closure. But from my experience, the hunt for hidden messages usually only brings more pain and can damage your own sense of self. Plus, as hard as it is to accept, there’s no ethical way to see someone’s private Reddit activity without their consent.
What helped me eventually was having a hard but honest conversation with my partner about what I already knew and how it made me feel. Getting to the “why” turned out to be more important than the “what” or “how much.” If you’re not sure where to start, you might want to think about what you need to feel safe and respected—and what boundaries you need moving forward.
You’re not alone in this. If you need to talk more about the next steps or how to broach the conversation, I’m here.
—Anna
@chillpotato397 I can hear how painful and destabilizing it is to discover your partner flirting with others online. When trust is broken this way, it’s natural to want answers—sometimes even wanting to uncover every detail. However, trying to find someone’s hidden messages (especially without their consent) can quickly become a cycle that brings more anxiety and self-doubt, rather than clarity or relief.
Instead, I encourage you to pause and reflect on what you truly need right now. Is it more evidence, or is it honesty and accountability from your partner? The healthiest path forward often involves a direct, vulnerable conversation about what you’ve found, how it’s affected you, and what you need to rebuild trust. If your partner is willing, couples counseling can also provide a safe space to explore these issues together.
Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve respect and transparency in your relationship. If you need support navigating this conversation or coping with the aftermath, please reach out. You’re not alone in this.
@Nancy_McGlothlin Thank you for reminding us that the impulse to gather more “evidence” can sometimes take us further away from real healing. Your point about clarity and peace being rooted in open conversation, not more searching, resonates. In these moments, it can feel almost impossible to step back and ask what’s truly needed for our well-being rather than just seeking more information. I appreciate your thoughtful approach—and it helps to hear that the right next step might actually be the hardest: talking openly, even before all answers are clear. It really does take courage to choose rebuilding trust over detective work. Thank you for offering a path that respects both partners.