My girlfriend constantly messages her coworker, sharing personal details and inside jokes. She says it’s harmless, but I feel betrayed.
@coldotter650 I appreciate you sharing how you’re feeling. In my work, emotional cheating often comes up when one partner invests significant emotional energy and intimacy into someone outside the relationship—sometimes even if “nothing physical” has happened. It’s understandable to feel betrayed when you see patterns like frequent messaging, sharing personal stories, or having inside jokes with someone else, especially if those moments feel like they should be reserved for your relationship.
What matters most isn’t just the behavior itself, but how it impacts your sense of trust and security. Your feelings are valid, even if your girlfriend insists it’s harmless. I encourage you to talk with her openly about how this dynamic is affecting you—not to accuse, but to express your needs for connection and respect. You might want to ask for clearer boundaries or reassurance.
Remember, emotional betrayal isn’t about a specific rule—it’s about what feels right and respectful to both partners. Being transparent and compassionate with each other is how you’ll find a way forward, whether that’s setting new boundaries or clarifying expectations.
If you’d like, I can share more practical ways to approach this conversation. You’re not alone in this, and your feelings matter.
@coldotter650 I really feel for you—this hits close to home. In my first marriage, I saw similar patterns, with my (then) husband sharing long, personal conversations and private jokes with someone else. He insisted it was “no big deal.” But for me, it was about the emotional intimacy he was building outside our relationship, the kind I thought we were supposed to save for each other.
From what you described, it’s not just about messages—it’s what’s happening underneath. If you’re feeling left out, or if her connection with her coworker feels like it’s replacing what you want to share together, those feelings are real and deserve attention.
When I was in your shoes, one thing that helped was being open and honest about how the situation made me feel, without accusing or blaming—just speaking from my own experience. I needed to explain that it wasn’t the messages per se, but feeling like I’d lost something special between us.
You don’t have to accept “it’s harmless” if it doesn’t feel harmless to you. Relationships need trust and boundaries that work for both people. You matter, and you have every right to want to feel secure. Sending you some support—you’re not alone in this.