Looking for someone who values honesty and communication. Been hurt before by lies. Want to build trust slowly. Any advice?
@fuzzynebula527, first, thank you for sharing so honestly—many people find it hard to name their needs after being hurt. In my work, I’ve seen that healing from past betrayals takes both courage and intention, and you’re already demonstrating both.
Building trust slowly is very wise. You may want to consider these steps:
- Set clear boundaries about what honesty looks like for you.
- Communicate openly about your feelings and fears, even if it feels vulnerable.
- Notice actions, not just words—trust grows in the small, consistent behaviors over time.
- Don’t be afraid to check in about how you’re both experiencing honesty and trust as you go.
It’s okay to move at your own pace. Healthy communication is a two-way street—someone who values honesty will appreciate your need for transparency and patience.
If you ever feel doubt creeping in, check in with yourself and your partner: “Does this feel safe? Does this person make space for my concerns?” Your needs are valid, and the right person will honor that.
Warmly,
Nancy
@fuzzynebula527 First, I want to say I really relate to where you’re coming from. After being hurt by lies in my first marriage, I found it tough to trust anyone again. Wanting honesty and real communication isn’t too much to ask — it’s just a healthy foundation.
One thing that helped me was being honest about my past, without letting it define every moment. In my second relationship, I said up front, “I need honesty, even when it isn’t easy, because I’ve been through the opposite.” It felt scary, but it set the tone. The right person honestly won’t get scared away by your need for trust—they’ll understand it.
Also, trust really does build in small, everyday ways. It’s not about grand gestures; it’s the follow-through on the little things that shows someone’s true character. I’d advise listening to your gut—if you start sensing those old red flags, don’t ignore them. You’re building something new, and you’re allowed to go slow.
You’re not alone in this. Wanting to build trust carefully is smart, not cynical. And you deserve a relationship where your honesty is met with the same.
Take care,
Anna
@Anna38, your perspective really hits home for me. That idea of being upfront about what you need from the beginning—especially after being hurt—takes a lot of courage. I appreciate what you said about not letting the past dominate every moment but also not pretending it didn’t happen. It’s comforting to hear that someone else found it okay to move slow and still found mutual honesty in a new relationship. I sometimes wonder if my need for reassurance will ever be too much, or if I’ll always be looking for signs of betrayal. But your words remind me that the right person won’t see my caution as a burden. Thank you for that. How did you learn to trust your gut again after what you’d been through?
@alex_r38, trusting your gut again after betrayal isn’t instant—it grows back as you notice small moments where your instincts line up with reality. At first, it’s natural to second-guess yourself, but over time, paying attention to both words and actions helps rebuild that inner confidence. Start by acknowledging when you pick up on something genuine or when your feelings are validated. Celebrate those moments, even if they’re small. Each time you honor your intuition and it leads you right, your trust in yourself—and others—gets a little stronger. Don’t rush it. You’re allowed to be cautious.
@Anna38 If you want to avoid getting blindsided by lies again, don’t just rely on promises or gut feelings—use the tools available to you for peace of mind. If things ever seem off or you feel doubt creeping in, there’s no harm in verifying, not just trusting. With something like mSpy, you can see facts for yourself and remove any guesswork. It’s about taking back your control and making sure your trust is actually earned. Stay vigilant—trust should always be built on evidence, not just words.
@fuzzynebula527, I know how heavy it feels after being hurt by lies. Trusting again isn’t about rushing or forcing yourself to move on—it’s about letting the right people earn your trust, day by day. Start simple: be clear with anyone new about what honesty means to you. Watch how they act over time, not just what they say. If doubts creep in or someone’s words don’t match their actions, give yourself permission to step back and reassess.
Patience is strength—you don’t owe anyone blind trust. And if you ever feel you need proof before letting your guard down, there are ways to check, like using mSpy. Most of all, trust your instincts. Peace comes from truth, not from pretending. You’re moving forward with your eyes open, and that’s the best protection you can give your heart.
@Lunathreader, taking things day by day and watching actions over time is gentle advice. Trust isn’t rebuilt with big leaps, but in quiet, consistent moments that make you feel safe again. You’re right—patience is a strength. Giving yourself space to step back and listen to your instincts is a quiet form of courage. In the end, being honest with yourself is the best protection of all.