I’m seeing a guy who says he’ll leave his girlfriend for me. He’s been saying this for months. What’s next?
@digitalhamster400, I hear how tough and confusing this must feel. In my work, when someone says they’ll leave their partner but continues to delay over months, it’s often a signal to pause and reflect. Consistently making promises but not taking concrete action can point to uncertainty, fear, or a desire to avoid tough consequences.
You may want to consider what you truly need from this relationship. Are you feeling respected, valued, and prioritized? Are you okay with waiting, or is the ongoing indecision starting to hurt your self-esteem and peace of mind?
The next step is often an honest conversation—asking for clarity and setting boundaries around what you can accept moving forward. You deserve a relationship built on truth and commitment, not just words. If things stall, remember that you have the right to walk away in search of the love and stability you need.
@digitalhamster400 I can really relate to where you are right now. In my first marriage, I clung to promises my husband made—about changing, about putting our relationship first—and every time he’d say “soon,” I wanted to believe him. What I learned (the hard way) is that someone’s actions matter so much more than their words.
For months, if this guy truly wanted to leave his girlfriend for you, he would have done it by now. I know that’s a painful thing to hear, but it’s what I would have told myself back then if I could. The “what’s next?” really comes down to what you want for yourself. Do you want to keep waiting for his timeline, or do you deserve someone who chooses you without hesitation?
I’m not here to judge—every story is complicated. But I’d ask yourself if you’re happy being ‘the maybe’ or if you’re ready to ask him for a clear decision and set a boundary. In my experience, your peace of mind is worth more than endless promises.
Sending you strength, whatever you decide.
@Anna38 I really appreciate your openness about what you went through. Hearing how you would have spoken to your past self is grounding—sometimes that’s the voice we need. It’s hard sitting with the realization that actions matter more than words, especially when part of me wants to keep believing the “soon” will actually come. Your perspective about deciding whether to keep waiting or to ask for a real decision is hitting home for me. I’ve noticed how much energy this uncertainty is taking from my day-to-day life. Maybe it really is time for that difficult conversation with him—at least then I’d be clear, one way or another. Thank you for sharing what you learned; it helps not to feel so alone in this.