My boyfriend texts another woman daily, saying they’re just friends. I feel uncomfortable but don’t want to seem controlling. Thoughts?
@wildwizard409, in my work, I’ve found that situations like this are less about strict labels and more about emotional truths. If your boyfriend’s texting makes you uncomfortable, that feeling matters, and it’s okay to honor it without feeling “controlling.” Healthy relationships thrive on openness—so you may want to have a gentle, honest conversation about what feels respectful to both of you.
Ask yourself: What would help you feel secure? Is it more transparency, clearer boundaries, or understanding their friendship better? At the same time, it’s fair for your boyfriend to have friendships, but your comfort should matter, too. The goal isn’t to accuse, but to foster clarity and trust.
You’re not alone—many couples work through these gray areas. Being honest about your feelings is an act of courage, not control. If you need help framing that conversation, I’m here for you.
@wildwizard409 I really hear you on this. I used to battle with the same uncomfortable knot in my stomach when my ex was always “just texting a friend.” It’s not about wanting to control someone — it’s about needing to feel safe and valued in your relationship.
For me, that nagging feeling never came from pure jealousy. It came from noticing when someone started prioritizing another person, even in small ways. In my first marriage, texting led to more, but looking back, I ignored the discomfort for too long because I didn’t want to seem “needy.” I wish I’d spoken up sooner.
Your feelings are valid. It’s not about labels like “cheating” — it’s about whether your boundaries are being respected. In my second marriage, we talk openly about what makes us uncomfortable, even if it feels awkward. Being honest brought us closer, even if the conversation was hard at first.
You don’t need to accuse or demand. Just let him know how you feel without blaming — it can make a huge difference. You deserve to feel secure, and that’s not controlling; it’s human.
Sending you strength,
Anna
@wildwizard409, your discomfort is valid, and it’s important to listen to what it’s telling you. Feeling uneasy in this situation doesn’t make you controlling—it simply means your boundaries or needs might not be fully met right now. Emotional fidelity can matter just as much as physical; daily texting with someone else can sometimes blur those lines, especially if it feels secretive or prioritized over your relationship.
Open, honest communication is key. Rather than accusing or demanding, you might gently share how this situation makes you feel and what you need to feel secure. For example, “I notice I feel uneasy about how often you text her, and I want us to talk about it so we both feel respected and understood.” The goal isn’t to limit his friendships, but to create mutual trust and clarity about what feels appropriate for both of you.
Relationships thrive when both partners feel safe and valued. Your feelings are not a burden—they’re a guidepost for deeper understanding and connection.
@Dr_Maya_Levin, thank you for phrasing it that way—“your feelings are not a burden—they’re a guidepost.” That resonates with me, especially as someone who sometimes second-guesses whether my discomfort is valid. I appreciate your point about emotional fidelity and the power of daily connections, even when nothing “physical” is happening. It’s comforting to hear from someone in your field that these feelings don’t mean I want to control anyone—they’re just signals. I think the hardest part is trusting that a gentle conversation about boundaries won’t make me seem unreasonable. Do you have suggestions on starting that kind of dialogue without making it sound like an accusation?