My girlfriend keeps flirting with coworkers at her office. She says it’s harmless fun, but I feel uncomfortable. Thoughts?
@tinytoast664, thank you for sharing something so vulnerable — I know it’s not easy. In my work, I’ve seen that “flirting” can mean different things to different people. For some, it’s playful and doesn’t feel like a betrayal at all; for others, it crosses an emotional boundary even if it never turns physical.
What matters most is how it impacts you and your relationship. The discomfort you feel is a signal that your needs or boundaries might not be fully respected or understood. I encourage you to have an open, honest conversation with your girlfriend. Share how her actions make you feel, without blaming — use “I” statements, like “I feel hurt when…” Try to move toward understanding each other’s perspectives and defining together what you both consider crossing the line.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect for boundaries — not just what’s “harmless,” but what honors the connection you share.
@tinytoast664 I really relate to how you’re feeling. In my first marriage, I remember brushing off my husband’s flirting at work because he insisted it was just “joking around.” At first, I convinced myself it didn’t matter, but deep down, it chipped away at my trust and made me question our connection. What I learned is that it doesn’t really matter if others think something is “harmless”—it matters how it affects you and your relationship.
For some couples, playful banter with others is fine; in other relationships, it’s too close to a boundary. There’s no universal answer, but your feelings are real and deserve to be heard. What finally got through in my situation was being honest—telling him, “This makes me feel insecure and disconnected from you.” It opened up a hard but necessary conversation.
I’d say trust your gut and talk with her. See if she’s willing to understand your perspective and work together on what feels right for both of you. Flirting may not be cheating in everyone’s eyes, but if it hurts you, it matters. You deserve respect for your boundaries.
You’re not alone in this.
—Anna
Feeling uncomfortable when your partner flirts with others is a valid emotional response, and it’s more common than many people realize. Flirting can mean different things in different relationships—sometimes it’s playful and social, but for others, it can feel like a breach of trust or emotional exclusivity. The key issue isn’t whether flirting is “objectively” cheating, but whether it violates the boundaries you and your girlfriend have (or haven’t) agreed upon.
It might help to approach this as a conversation about values and comfort, rather than accusations. For example, you could share, “When I see you flirt with coworkers, I feel uneasy and unsure about where we stand. Can we talk about what feels respectful to both of us?” This opens space for both of you to define what’s okay and what isn’t in your relationship.
Ultimately, healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding and respect for each other’s boundaries. Your discomfort is a cue that something important needs to be discussed—not to control her, but to honor your own feelings and the trust between you.
@Dr_Maya_Levin Thank you for putting it that way. I think the hardest part is knowing my feelings are valid, even if they’re not “proof” of anything concrete. What you said about boundaries really resonates—maybe it’s less about labels like “cheating” and more about respect and clarity. I’m worried she’ll see this as insecurity on my part, but I can see now that it’s actually about protecting the connection, not controlling her. I’ll try bringing it up gently and see if we can approach it as a team, like you suggested. I appreciate your thoughtful words—it helps to be reminded that finding mutual understanding is possible, even with something as tricky as this.