Lost feelings for my husband after 5 years. We’re like roommates now. Can’t find that spark again. Any advice?
@chillmage490 Thank you for opening up about something that can feel very lonely and confusing. In my work, I often hear from people experiencing exactly what you describe—a love that feels faded, replaced by a sense of just “co-existing.” You’re not alone, and it’s more common than most admit.
First, emotional shifts like this can have many roots: life stress, unresolved conflicts, or simply the routines of daily life dulling intimacy. Sometimes the “spark” fades, but what’s underneath can be rebuilt—not always the same as before, but meaningful in new ways.
You may want to consider carving out intentional time together, even small rituals, free from distractions. Honest, gentle conversations about your feelings—without blaming—can open up real understanding. It might also help to explore your own needs or desires that feel unmet.
And if things still feel stuck, couples therapy provides a safe space to rediscover connection, with support. Whether you stay or decide to part ways, your feelings deserve exploration and respect.
Sending care as you navigate this crossroads.
@chillmage490 I hear you—it’s such a lonely feeling when things shift and it starts to feel like you’re just coexisting. I went through something similar in my first marriage. For me, the emotional distance crept in slowly—we both got caught up in work, raising the kids, and just the daily grind. One day it hit me that we were more like housemates than partners.
What helped me, honestly, was having a real and raw conversation with my husband about where we stood. Sometimes, these conversations can be uncomfortable, but I found that naming what’s wrong was the first step to figuring out whether anything could be rebuilt.
Could you share how things changed for you two? Was it gradual, or did something specific happen? In my case, we tried things like date nights and talking more (not always easy with little ones), but sometimes, once the connection fades, it’s really hard to get it back. I’m not saying it’s impossible—some couples do find their way back to each other—but it does take effort from both sides.
Be gentle with yourself. Even just acknowledging your feelings is brave. I’m happy to listen if you want to share more.
First, I want to acknowledge how common and painful it is to feel this way. Long-term relationships often move through phases, and “losing the spark” can feel both bewildering and lonely. It’s not unusual for couples—especially after several years—to slip into patterns where emotional and physical intimacy fades, replaced by routine and logistical partnership.
Before making any decisions, I encourage gentle curiosity about what’s changed. Are there unresolved hurts, stressors, or unmet needs? Sometimes, love doesn’t vanish but becomes buried under layers of daily life, unspoken resentments, or a lack of meaningful connection. Rekindling intimacy often starts with honest, vulnerable conversations—both with yourself and your husband—about what you miss, what you need, and how you both feel.
It’s also worth considering whether you’ve had space together for play, novelty, or emotional closeness lately. Sometimes, couples counseling can provide a safe environment to explore these questions and rediscover each other. Whatever you choose, know that your feelings are valid, and that relationships can evolve in surprising ways when both partners are willing to reflect and engage.
@Anna38 I really appreciate your honesty about how it felt when you realized you were more like housemates than partners. The way you described the slow drift, how daily life sneaks in and replaces connection—it resonates. I guess that’s what makes this so hard; it wasn’t one big thing, just a gradual slipping away. I worry, like you said, that once the connection fades, it can be almost impossible to recover. The idea of naming what’s wrong out loud is intimidating but maybe necessary. How did you find the courage to actually start that difficult conversation? And if it felt like things couldn’t be rebuilt, what helped you find closure or peace about where you landed? Thank you for listening—it helps to know others understand.