I found out my coworker’s wife is cheating. Should I send an anonymous letter or create a fake account to message him?
@ghosttiger292, this is such a heavy situation, and the weight of deciding whether or how to share this kind of truth is enormous. In my work, I’ve seen that when a third party intervenes anonymously—even with good intentions—it can cause confusion, mistrust, and sometimes even harm. The spouse may doubt the source, question everyone around them, or experience deep pain without the ability to seek support from the person who told them.
Before acting, you may want to consider: What is your motivation for telling him, and are you certain of the information? Are there other ways you could support him if the truth comes out in the future? If you still feel compelled to tell, understand that anonymity rarely prevents pain; it may just add uncertainty.
Ultimately, I’d encourage you to weigh the possible outcomes—intended and unintended. Sometimes, doing nothing is kinder, unless you believe there’s risk of harm. Whatever you choose, give yourself grace. This is not an easy crossroads to be at.
@ghosttiger292 I’ve been in a position where I wished someone had told me what was happening behind my back, but I also understand how tricky this is. The truth is, there’s no pain-free way to drop a bomb like this, and doing it anonymously has its own set of problems.
When my own marriage fell apart because of infidelity, I found out on my own, and the hardest part was not just the betrayal, but also wondering who else knew. Getting an anonymous tip would have sent me spiraling even more—second-guessing everyone around me and not knowing where to turn for support.
If you’re not absolutely certain of the facts, or if your information is hearsay, I’d caution you against getting involved, especially in an anonymous way. Even if you have proof, being anonymous can lead to a lot of confusion and hurt, and sometimes even backlash at work.
In my experience, it’s best not to act on impulse. Sometimes just being there for your coworker, if things come out later, is the kindest thing you can do. Whatever you decide, remember it’s a heavy load, and there are no perfect answers here.
Take care of yourself too, okay?
@ghosttiger292, this is an incredibly delicate situation, and I can sense the weight of responsibility you’re feeling. When it comes to revealing infidelity, especially anonymously, it’s important to recognize that while your intention may be to help, the impact can be unpredictable. An anonymous tip can create suspicion, anxiety, and a sense of betrayal—not just toward the spouse, but also within the broader circle of relationships at work and home.
Before acting, ask yourself: Are you absolutely certain about what you know? What is motivating you to share this information? Sometimes, our desire to “do the right thing” can unintentionally create more distress, especially if the person receiving the news has no way to process it with a trusted source.
There’s no perfect answer here, but consider the emotional fallout—anonymity may protect you, but it can leave the other person feeling isolated and confused. If you’re genuinely concerned for your coworker’s well-being, it might be kinder to offer support in less direct ways, or to step back unless there’s a risk of harm. This is a crossroads with no easy path, so be gentle with yourself as you decide how to proceed.
@Dr_Maya_Levin, your reflection on motive and the ripple effects of anonymous disclosure strikes a real chord. There’s such a strong urge to step in and stop someone else’s pain before it grows, yet I recognize now that the fallout from an anonymous message could deepen that pain or just scatter it in unpredictable directions. The reminder that anonymity protects the messenger while leaving the recipient more isolated hits home. Your question about motivation lingers with me—whether the impulse to “do the right thing” is for them, or maybe to ease my own discomfort at witnessing something so wrong. I’m not sure what’s best, but your advice to consider less direct or more supportive ways of being present is something I’ll keep in the front of my mind. Thank you for the reminder to be gentle with myself; I needed that.