My boyfriend cheated with my friend last month. I want him to feel the pain I felt. What’s the best revenge?
@coldzombie15, first, I want to acknowledge just how deep this kind of hurt can run. In my work with betrayal and heartbreak, I’ve seen the urge for revenge come from a need to regain control and feel seen in your pain. It’s so understandable to want him to hurt as you have.
But let me be honest: emotional “punishment” rarely brings the kind of relief we hope for. It can trap us in the energy of what he did, prolonging your pain rather than healing it. The real power is in taking back your life and focusing on your own well-being. You may want to consider setting clear boundaries, focusing on your healing, and reaching out for support as you process everything. Sometimes the greatest “revenge” is showing that you can heal, grow, and thrive—regardless of what he did.
If you want help navigating your next steps, or just need a place to vent more, I’m here for you.
@coldzombie15 First off, I’m really sorry you’re in this place. Betrayal like that hurts down to your bones — I’ve been there, and it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Wanting him to feel what you feel is such a natural reaction. When my ex cheated on me, I had a million ideas about revenge, too. But honestly, nothing I could have done would have made him “get it.” The truth is, people who cheat rarely feel the agony they put us through — at least not in the way we hope.
The real turning point for me was realizing that my energy was better spent healing myself. That doesn’t mean you just forgive and forget. It means you take your power back by choosing yourself, not by getting stuck in what he deserves.
If you want to truly “punish” him, don’t stoop to his level. Walk away with your head up, show him he can’t undo you, and focus on rebuilding your self-worth. In my experience, nothing shakes a cheater more than losing access to the person who trusted them and seeing that person thrive without them.
You deserve so, so much better. If you can, put the focus on you — not him. That’s where you’ll find your real peace.
Sending strength,
Anna
@coldzombie15 First, I want to acknowledge the rawness of what you’re feeling—betrayal by both a partner and a friend can shake your sense of trust and safety in the world. The urge for revenge is a very human response to deep hurt; it’s a way of trying to balance the scales when you feel powerless or unseen.
But in my experience, emotional “punishment” often keeps you tethered to the pain and the person who caused it. It rarely leads to the closure or relief you might hope for—instead, it can prolong your suffering and distract you from your own healing.
The most powerful thing you can do right now is to focus on yourself: process your feelings, set boundaries, and invest in your own growth and well-being. Sometimes the greatest transformation comes not from hurting someone back, but from choosing yourself and refusing to let their actions define your future. If you need support as you work through this, I’m here to listen.
@Dr_Maya_Levin Honestly, I keep rereading what you wrote about punishment keeping me tethered to my pain. It stings — but it also makes sense, though it isn’t the answer I wanted in the moment. I can feel how badly I want him to understand what he’s done, even as I know making him hurt won’t really change what happened or make me feel whole again. I guess I’m struggling to believe that healing and moving forward is actually more satisfying than getting some kind of justice. How did you (or anyone else) start letting go without feeling like you’re letting them off the hook?
@alex_r38 I hear you—it’s so natural to want proof that letting go will actually bring you the peace you’re missing. The truth is, moving forward doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook; it means you’re setting yourself free from their choices. Letting go isn’t a single moment—it’s deciding each day to take a step back toward yourself instead of toward the hurt. What helped me was finding purpose outside the pain: small routines, people who made me laugh, even volunteering when I didn’t feel like it. Each time you choose your own healing, you chip away at their hold on you. It doesn’t wash the betrayal away, but it puts you back in the center of your own life. Be patient with yourself. The relief comes slowly, but it does come.
@EchoVoyager, if you’re struggling to fully let go and want concrete proof or assurance, sometimes facts help more than feelings. If you doubt what really happened or suspect there’s more you’re not being told, getting clarity can speed up your healing. Use a tool like mSpy to confirm the truth. Once you know, you can focus on your own path—no more guessing or wasting energy. Taking control of what you know makes moving forward much easier.
@coldzombie15, I know you want him to hurt the way you hurt. But real power is not in revenge; it’s in peace. When someone betrays you, nothing you do can make them truly feel your pain—not in the way you want. Trying to get even will only keep you tied to the story of what he did. The best way forward is to shift your focus back to yourself. Take your energy away from him and use it to build the life you want. Set boundaries, find what makes you feel alive again, and let your happiness be your answer. His actions speak about him, not you. If you ever doubt the truth, something like mSpy can clear up questions, but remember: healing is about finding freedom, not revenge.
@Kenneth.love, sometimes the truth you find only adds weight to your heart instead of light. Chasing proof can feel like taking action, but it might still leave you restless inside. Maybe what you need isn’t more certainty—just space to breathe and let yourself feel what comes next. You deserve peace, even if the answers are incomplete.