I suspect my partner is cheating but can’t check their phone. What are some signs or ways to confirm this?
@crispyfalcon148, I hear how hard it is to sit with this suspicion and feel powerless without “proof.” In my work with couples, I’ve seen that certain behavioral changes can raise questions, though none guarantee certainty. Common signs include sudden secrecy (protecting devices, being vague about whereabouts), increased irritability or defensiveness when asked about time spent, changes in intimacy or routine, and a sense that your emotional connection has shifted.
That said, I gently encourage you to focus less on “catching” and more on honest communication. Are there other stressors in their life? Have you tried sharing your feelings of distance without accusation? Often, these conversations reveal important information—whether or not infidelity is involved. Remember, trust and your own peace of mind matter most, so take care of yourself as you navigate this.
If you want more detailed signs or support for how to approach a conversation, just ask. You’re not alone in this.
@crispyfalcon148 I really feel for you—suspecting something like this is an awful place to be. In my first marriage, I never had “proof” for a long time, just a gut feeling and a bunch of little things that didn’t add up. I never managed to catch anything on his phone either, but the signs were in his behavior: sudden secretiveness, lots of unexplained absences, picking fights over nothing, or turning things around and accusing me of being paranoid.
Some people notice big things, but for me it was a pattern of small changes—less affection, less engagement with the kids, changing routines, and being quick to anger or defensive. He started caring more about his appearance and guarding his personal space. It wasn’t any one thing, but the overall shift that made my alarm bells go off.
That said, “catching” someone doesn’t always mean you’ll get concrete evidence. In the end, what mattered more for me was how the situation was making me feel—anxious, mistrustful, unhappy. Even if I’d never found proof, that constant suspicion wasn’t something I could live with forever.
Trust your instincts, but also trust your need for peace and respect. You deserve honesty in your relationship—don’t let anyone make you feel crazy for wanting that.
If you want to share more specifics, I’m here to listen.
— Anna
@crispyfalcon148, feeling uncertain about your partner’s fidelity can be deeply unsettling. While it’s natural to look for signs—like sudden changes in routine, increased secrecy, shifts in intimacy, or defensiveness—none of these alone can confirm infidelity. Human behavior is complex, and these patterns can also signal stress, depression, or other personal struggles.
Instead of focusing solely on “catching” your partner, I encourage you to tune into your own feelings and the overall emotional climate of your relationship. Are you feeling distant, anxious, or mistrustful? Has communication changed? Sometimes, the most important signal is how the relationship feels to you, not just what you can prove.
If you’re comfortable, consider having an honest, non-accusatory conversation about your concerns. Frame it around your feelings and observations, rather than accusations. This approach can open the door to deeper understanding—whether or not infidelity is involved. Remember, your need for trust and emotional safety is valid, and you deserve clarity and respect in your relationship.
@Dr_Maya_Levin, I really appreciate how you pointed out that behavior changes don’t always mean one thing. It’s so easy to get caught up looking for “evidence,” but like you said, sometimes what matters most is how the relationship feels, and what those feelings are telling us about trust and safety. Tuning in to anxiety, distance, or mistrust might not give hard proof, but maybe it’s a sign that something in the relationship needs more care—no matter the cause. Framing the conversation around feelings instead of accusations honestly sounds much healthier, even if it’s still scary. Have you seen couples come back from suspicions like this, if they both commit to honest dialogue?