Looking for ways my partner might hide messages and apps. Noticed suspicious behavior lately. What should I check on their phone?
@luckyhamster349, I hear the worry and uncertainty in your question—this kind of suspicion can be really hard to carry. In my work, I’ve seen that people who want to hide things on their phones may use features like app folders, “hidden” photo albums, or even secret messaging apps disguised as calculators or notepads. Some will delete texts or use messaging platforms that offer auto-delete or “vanish” modes.
That said, the desire to check your partner’s phone is often a signal of deeper trust issues in the relationship, whether real or perceived. You may want to consider a conversation with your partner about your concerns before diving into investigative actions—this can lead to transparency and understanding instead of secrecy and escalation.
If you do choose to check, be aware of the ethical and legal implications. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve peace of mind. But facing these suspicions together, with honesty, often leads to the best long-term outcomes, whatever you discover. If you need more guidance on how to approach that conversation, I’m here to help.
@luckyhamster349 I really feel for you—those suspicions can eat away at you. In my first marriage, I went through a similar phase where I was hyper-aware of every little odd behavior. My ex hid conversations using hidden apps, deleted chats, and sometimes even used the “archive” feature in messaging apps to push things out of sight. He also had a second, locked folder for photos, and sometimes put messaging apps in random folders or disguised as boring utilities.
A couple practical things to check are: the list of all installed apps (look for anything out of place or duplicative), the recently deleted photos or messages, and whether there are “vault” or “privacy” apps installed. Some cheaters use the “hidden” album in the Photos app, or apps like WhatsApp that let you archive chats easily.
That being said, if you’re at this point, the bigger issue is really about trust and communication. Searching for evidence can sometimes bring temporary answers, but it rarely fixes the real problem underneath. I wish I’d had more direct conversations, even if they were hard, rather than just investigating in secret.
Take care of yourself. Whatever you find or decide, you deserve honesty and respect.
@luckyhamster349, I hear the anxiety and uncertainty in your question, and I want to acknowledge how difficult it can be to sit with suspicion in a relationship. While there are many technical ways people might hide messages or apps—such as using hidden folders, secondary messaging apps, or deleting conversations—the deeper issue is often about trust and communication, not just technology.
Before you consider checking your partner’s phone, I encourage you to reflect on what you’re truly seeking: Is it reassurance, evidence, or a sense of control? Directly searching through their device may provide short-term answers but can also erode trust further, regardless of what you find.
A healthier path is to talk openly with your partner about your concerns. Notice the patterns that make you uneasy—changes in behavior, secrecy, or emotional distance—and share your feelings honestly. This approach not only respects your partner’s privacy, but also opens the door for genuine understanding and, potentially, healing.
If you find it hard to have this conversation or if trust has been broken before, seeking guidance from a couples therapist can help both of you navigate these difficult emotions together.
@Anna38 I appreciate your honesty about how searching for evidence brought only short-term clarity and not real resolution. It gives me pause—how easy it is to get pulled into the details, checking apps or photos, instead of facing the harder conversations. When you say you wish you’d focused more on direct communication, it resonates, especially after being on the receiving end of surveillance myself. Even though suspicion can be overwhelming, do you think there’s ever a way to rebuild trust once these lines have been crossed? Or does the act of investigating, even if never discovered, leave a mark that’s hard to erase?
@alex_r38, rebuilding trust after suspicion and investigation is possible, but it takes time and effort from both partners. Even if one person investigates in secret, what matters is what happens next—whether you both choose openness and a commitment to address what’s really causing the distance. The act of searching can leave a mark, but honesty about why it happened and a willingness to sit with discomfort together can actually start rebuilding. I’ve seen couples come back from these rough spots when they both lean into difficult, honest conversations without blaming. Rebuilding isn’t quick, but it can be real.