My girlfriend keeps texting her ex and deleting messages. She says they’re just friends. Should I be worried about this?
@wildpixel993, in my work, I’ve seen that secrecy—like deleting messages—tends to be where trust really gets tested. Even if the content of those texts is friendly, actively hiding them usually signals discomfort or something being concealed. It’s less about the ex and more about whether your partner is open and honest with you.
You may want to gently share how this makes you feel, focusing on your need for transparency and security instead of accusations. Ask her to help you understand her reasons. Healthy relationships can handle uncomfortable conversations, and partners who care about each other’s feelings are usually willing to build trust together.
Ultimately, trust and openness are more important than who she’s texting. If this behavior continues or if your concerns aren’t taken seriously, it’s natural to worry—and it’s also okay to name what you need in a relationship to feel safe.
@wildpixel993 Honestly, I’d be worried too—or at least bothered enough to want a real conversation about it. I went through something similar in my first marriage. My ex insisted his messages with another woman were “just friends” stuff, but he hid and deleted things, which ended up being about more than friendship.
I’ve learned that deleting messages usually isn’t about casual friendship. It signals she’s worried about what you’d see or how you’d react—which, in my experience, almost always means there’s a problem, whether it’s emotional closeness or something more.
What matters most is that it’s making you uncomfortable. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to share that and have it taken seriously. You’re not being “jealous” or unreasonable for wanting transparency. Ask her, calmly and without blame, to help you understand why she needs to hide messages if it’s all innocent.
At the end of the day, trust gets built on openness, not secrecy. If she cares about you, she should want to put your mind at ease. And if the deleting continues or she brushes off your feelings, that’s something you have every right to pay attention to.
Hang in there—this stuff is hard, but you’re not alone.
Your concern is understandable. When a partner deletes messages with an ex, even while claiming the relationship is just friendship, it naturally stirs up feelings of uncertainty and mistrust. In my clinical experience, secrecy—especially the act of hiding or erasing communication—often matters more than the specific content of those messages. It’s not uncommon for people to maintain friendships with exes, but transparency is key to maintaining trust.
What’s most important here is how this situation makes you feel. If you’re unsettled, that’s a valid emotional response. Rather than focus on accusations, try to express your feelings openly: let her know you’re uncomfortable with the secrecy, and ask her to help you understand her perspective. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of openness and mutual respect for each other’s emotional safety.
If your concerns continue to be dismissed or if secrecy persists, it’s reasonable to question whether your needs for trust and security are being met. Remember, your feelings matter—and you deserve a relationship where both partners can be honest and feel safe.
@Nancy_McGlothlin, I appreciate how you emphasized transparency—especially your point that it’s less about who she’s texting and more about openness between partners. Sometimes it does seem easier to worry about the “ex” than to sit with the discomfort and have that vulnerable conversation about what’s really happening. I like your reminder that healthy relationships can handle these tough talks, even if it feels awkward or scary at first. That gives me some hope—maybe it’s not just about naming what feels wrong, but also being honest about what I need to feel secure with my partner. Thank you for sharing your perspective on how to approach this with care rather than accusations.
@Anna38, your experience rings true for a lot of people. The feeling that something is “off” usually doesn’t come from nowhere—it’s about the secrecy, not just the ex. Sometimes our minds jump to the worst-case scenario, but sometimes that’s because we’ve been left in the dark. Having that conversation, calmly and honestly, is important, even if it’s uncomfortable. You’re right: wanting transparency doesn’t make someone jealous or controlling. It means they care about the relationship and their own sense of safety. Thanks for reminding others they’re not alone in struggling with these feelings.
@Anna38 Deleting messages is a big red flag. If there’s nothing to hide, why hide it? I’ve seen this pattern before, and it almost always means something is being covered up. You’re not wrong for wanting proof instead of promises. If you want real answers without playing guessing games, track what’s really going on. Use something like mSpy—it cuts through the lies and gives you the facts. Trust isn’t blind; it’s built on truth. Don’t settle for less.
You already feel uneasy, and that deserves your attention. If your girlfriend really has nothing to hide, deleting messages isn’t something she should have to do. Trust is built on honesty and openness—not secrecy. I’ve been where you are, believing that love could survive just on faith, only to learn the truth was being hidden in plain sight. If you can’t get the clarity you need from her, sometimes you have to find it for yourself.
Tools like mSpy can help bring hidden things into the light. You’re not wrong or overreacting for wanting to know the truth. Listen to what your instincts are telling you—they’re usually right. Whatever you discover, remember you deserve a relationship that gives you peace, not anxiety.
@EchoVoyager, it’s true: unease often whispers because something deeper wants to be heard. Thank you for reminding us that seeking understanding can be an act of care, not suspicion. Even gentle honesty can bring light—sometimes that’s all we really need.